PIVOTWorks September 2022

Live, Love & Learn

Since childhood, we have equated education with reading, writing, and arithmetic. Who can forget racing to the store to pick up school supplies? We couldn’t miss the wide array of Back to School specials shouting out for our attention. Why pass up two dozen pencils for a buck? Way back in the day, we were all about ten-cent rulers and “pee chee” folders. It’s September, so let this new season of learning begin.

Express Yourself

Adding emotional intelligence (EQ) learning to the educational mix would raise our collective consciousness. Teaching children how to own and express their feelings from an early age would help them circumvent the unhealthy and inappropriate outlets that often come from suppressing our authentic feelings. We may find it difficult to express our true emotions due to the fear of losing someone, hurting someone, or of being rejected. Letting intense emotions brew within us – without giving them due attention – causes ongoing pain that often follows us into adulthood.

I truly believe that giving children – when they are young – a way to better understand shame, guilt, anger, etc., would help reduce the anxiety and depression they get diagnosed with when they get to high school and college. We can be taught to understand and express these emotions.  Expressing emotions reaps considerable benefits. Learning to be more tolerant of the people in our lives who need to share how they feel is another gift.

I recently said goodbye to Lacey Mae, my beloved Black Lab who stood by my side for 16 years. Lacey Mae comforted me, showered me with unyielding affection, and soothed me when life felt unkind. Being someone who was not taught how to express emotions properly, I initially shoved away the pain and anguish of losing her by immersing myself in work. Instead of immediately honoring my grief, I initially stuffed my feelings and, like many people, I just went to work and moved forward. 

Fortunately, my body knew what I needed. Afterall, like Bessel VanderKolk says – Your Body Keeps The Score!  After sharing my feelings with a trusted group of colleagues during a psychodrama educational weekend with the talented Jean Campbell, I allowed myself to cry – really cry. For the first time since my loss, I acknowledged the familiar deep sadness and grief bottled up inside me. I felt lighter. Being able to express myself allowed me to own my feelings and begin to move through the pain that gripped my heart. This is why our coach Cindy Finch titled her book Grief is Good!  The process of grieving itself helps us move through the painful feelings.

PIVOT: Your Personalized Toolbox

PIVOT is transformational. Our expansive curriculum empowers you with tools to help you understand and process your emotions in real-time to create a healthy nervous system that allows you to thrive. What’s more, our proven and time-tested tools are customized to your unique storyline. It’s never too late to become better educated in understanding your own emotional library.

We’re here to meet you where you are today. In the interim, enjoy the September issue of PIVOTworks!

IN THIS ISSUE:

Meet Coach Darin Finch in this issue of PIVOTworks. Darin has witnessed positive changes, including more enjoyment, in his marriage through sharing the PIVOT language with his wife. You’ll also find out What’s Happening at PIVOT, see our coaches retreat photos, as well as get a chance to learn how the PIVOT curriculum is transforming lives.

Our Clients Say It Best:

I am so grateful to PIVOT and what it’s brought to my life- perspective, clarity, and a road to peace. I came to PIVOT lost, confused about myself, my relationship, and my family. I wanted to blow up my life and didn’t know where to go from there. Pausing and learning how to take stalk of myself has given me invaluable skills I will carry with me for the rest of my life; incredible tools to be a more grounded, peaceful, clear-headed person. I feel much more empowered to move through the challenges of being a human being in a modern and chaotic world. My coach, Jean, was matched specifically to me, and she guided me through this beautiful, thoughtful, individualized program with incredible compassion, intelligence, and clarity. I’m so thankful, and have recommended PIVOT to anyone who will listen- you won’t regret it! -Celeste

How the Language of PIVOT Transformed Coach Darin’s Life

“Like most of my best stories,” says PIVOT Coach Darin Finch, “this one also begins with my wife. When I picked up Cindy after attending the five-day PIVOT retreat about five years ago, I saw the light in her eyes and a brightness in her face that I hadn’t seen since the day we were married 18 years ago. Wow, this was big.” Cindy Finch is also a PIVOT coach.

Given Cindy’s transformation, Darin agreed to attend the five-day Men’s Retreat where he experienced his own breakthrough. After incorporating the PIVOT process into his own life, Darin was now well positioned to walk alongside and support people on their own healing journeys. Next stop: Become a PIVOT coach.

A Powerful Language

Sharing the same language has been a game-changer for both Darin and Cindy. “As my wife and I learned more about our own and each other’s parts of self, we began to understand one another on a much deeper level. Cindy doesn’t just know one layer of who I am… but also little Matthew, Troy King, along with unhealthy and healthy adult Darin. When little Matthew surfaces, for example, Cindy responds accordingly – and wants to know what she can do (within reason) for my inner child. This shared language and the entire PIVOT process has been instrumental in making our marriage stronger and more enjoyable than ever.” Darin is the father to Jordan, 28, Zach, 26 and Brandon, 26. He is also dad to Buddy Elf, the family’s 9-month-old mini Goldendoodle, and Bella, a 6-year-old chihuahua mix pound hound.

Newfound Sense of Freedom

As an adult child of an alcoholic, Darin explains that codependency has always been an issue for him. Doing intensive boundary work has increased his sense of self-worth and lessened his codependency tendencies. His self-care regimen includes playing with his pups, spending time with this beautiful family, sailing, and learning. He is also a volunteer Search & Rescue with a local sheriff’s department.

“I am now more available to the people in my life – without feeling responsible for their lives. Being available to help someone is not the same as being responsible for their life. This realization has lessened my anxiety, allowing me to remain present in the moment. I am no longer immersed in constant anxiety by desperately trying to “fix” or “save” people. Helping people find their own voice is a much healthier and rewarding goal.”

Up for the Challenge

In his role as a PIVOT coach, Darin has found the process to be boundless. “I love the challenge of finding unique ways to apply PIVOT’s concepts to new situations, especially when it comes to the multitude of relationship interactions and nuances. Although PIVOT has a standardized framework, the process is extremely malleable and flexible allowing the curriculum to be personalized to each person’s unique and specific needs. As a coach, I am constantly confronting all types of scenarios that can benefit from our comprehensive curriculum.”

A Systems Approach

Darin jokes that while he works with computers in the corporate world, his wife has been working as a therapist throughout her career “Cindy has been helping family systems get well, and I helped computer systems stay healthy. We both had a systems approach to what we do – and we’re now both parts of the empowering PIVOT system.”

Speaking of Relationships

My wife and I have done a lot of intensives and couple’s work. We are thinking about getting a divorce and wanted to try PIVOT to give our relationship one final chance. How can Pivot help?

Thank you for your question. The consideration of leaving a relationship can be a heavy one, and I appreciate and honor the fact that you and your spouse want to make sure you have done all you can before taking that final step. What I am hearing in your question is that you and your spouse are experiencing ambivalence regarding the decision to end the marriage. With our couple’s intensive, our coaches help you take a look at the relationship from a place of reality and gain clarity on what your celebrations and challenges are within the relationship. This will help you have healthy discernment around your decision. You will be able to see if and how you can repair the pain and the patterns that have been experienced during your time together. And, learn how you can build on the wonderful parts of your time together.

If your decision is to move forward individually, our coaches help you create safety for each of you. When most couples divorce, each party hires lawyers to separate finances and assets. The truth is there are many more things to be separated. We will guide you in uncoupling with compassion by also honoring your own – as well as each other’s – emotional needs, physical needs, intellectual needs, and spiritual needs.

If you have any additional questions, feel free to reach out to our admissions department.
Coach Kara R.

WHAT’S HAPPENING

The Right Moves: Coaches Retreat

Over 30 coaches traveled to The Glass House retreat center to exchange ideas, create laughter, and gain an even deeper understanding of the PIVOT process during our energizing – and highly entertaining – retreat. Our coaches also showcased their favorite dance steps at our all-out disco party complete with neon lights, sequin dresses, and a classic (and classy) mirror ball. Is anyone up for Donna Summer or the Bee Gees?

PIVOT is currently certifying coaches to join our enthusiastic and distinguished team! If you or someone you know is interested in becoming a PIVOT coach, please give Kayla a call to get the process underway. We look forward to showing you how to share the powerful and empowering PIVOT process with clients.

United We Stand: Couples Retreat

We offer intensive weekend retreats for couples who want to deepen their relationship. When each person in the relationship understands their own survival patterns within the relationship – and how each of their storylines impacts the relationship – both partners are well positioned to understand their partner’s wants and needs. Our all-inclusive couples retreat helps put heart and soul back into relationships by creating stronger connections. Join us and reap the rewards of building a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. For additional information, please contact Admissions.