1-855-452-0707A certain level of trust is essential in any relationship, but in marriage, it is sacred. Your spouse should be someone you can count on and trust implicitly. What happens, then, when trust breaks down in marriage? Broken trust in your marriage may feel cataclysmic, but it doesn’t have to mean divorce. With the support of dedicated PIVOT relationship coaches, it is possible to rebuild broken trust and even strengthen your marriage.
What Causes Broken Trust in Marriage?
The first step to healing broken trust is to understand what causes it in the first place. Often, infidelity, lies, or emotional distance are just symptoms of greater underlying issues that began long before you or your partner ever cheated, lied, or emotionally withdrew from the marriage. As you work with your relationship coach, you’ll learn to identify and unpack the root causes of broken trust in marriage and move towards an actionable solution.
Here are some of the surface causes of broken trust in marriage, a deeper look at why they might arise, and what to do.
Broken Trust in Marriage: The Root Causes and Solutions |
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Surface Issue |
Root Cause |
What to Do |
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Insecurity |
Attachment styles developed in childhood often affect security in adulthood, leading to suspicion, doubt, or jealousy in a marriage. An insecure attachment style may contribute to broken trust. |
Work with your relationship coach on unpacking and reframing your attachment patterns. |
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Distance |
Daily life can cause stressors that tear couples apart. Distance can creep into a marriage slowly – a missed phone call, an important conversation cut short, or skipped date nights. Physical distance can lead to emotional distance, making intimacy and togetherness challenging. |
Regularly communicate openly and honestly. Never take each other for granted – schedule consistent date nights and check-ins. |
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Secrecy and Lying |
Unhealthy communication patterns are usually the root cause of secrecy and deception. Maybe one partner is extremely reactive, suspicious, or jealous due to an insecure attachment style. This may make the other partner feel uncomfortable sharing thoughts with them because they often overreact or take things the wrong way. This can cause the sharing partner to feel closed off, potentially leading to secrecy or even lying. |
Working with a relationship coach to develop healthier communication patterns is key here. Both of you might need to work on your communication issues individually and then come together to co-create a better way of relating to each other. |
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Cheating |
The root causes of cheating, whether it be emotional or physical cheating, are often complex. The partner who cheats may feel lonely, isolated, or disconnected from their marriage and seek a connection elsewhere. Or, they may be dealing with insecurity, low self-esteem, or stressors. Instead of using healthy coping mechanisms, the stressed partner may turn to connections outside their marriage to help distract them. |
The solution will depend on the root cause, but it will take lots of self-reflection and communication to understand what led to this breach of trust in the first place. It helps to have a relationship coach mediate and guide the conversation so it stays productive and future-oriented. |
Restore the Trust in Your Marriage With a Relationship Coach
Acknowledging that you are willing to work past broken trust in your marriage is the first step towards healing. Overcoming this devastating breach is not easy, and it will take time. With so much doubt, suspicion, and insecurity emanating from the loss of trust, your best chance for overcoming this serious breach is with the expert guidance of a relationship coach.
At PIVOT, our process with couples is unique. We provide each partner with their own coach to facilitate the challenging work ahead. After each person completes their individual part of the process, their personal coach accompanies them as they meet with their spouse and their coach. Rebuilding trust begins when the couple meets together with their coaches, who can help their clients communicate and advocate for their needs with each other.
Your individual coaches will lead you and your spouse through several steps as you start the rebuilding process:
- Acknowledge there is a problem with trust and take responsibility.
- Allow time to grieve and accept the loss of trust.
- Work to uncover underlying issues that may have preceded the broken trust.
- Learn to set boundaries.
- Practice effective communication strategies.
- Participate in trust-building activities.
- Work together on a shared plan for the future.
Your best opportunity to overcome broken trust in marriage is through the PIVOT Process, an evidence-based program that has helped thousands of people suffering in unhappy or insecure relationships. Through weekly coaching, we help couples restore trust and create a path to a happier future. For couples who desire a more intensive experience with the same process, we offer a private couples retreat at the Glass House in Northern California. In this immersive experience, you, your spouse, and your individual coaches will have the privacy and resources to work toward a shared solution for your relationship while prioritizing yourself and your needs.
Rebuild Broken Trust in Your Marriage With the PIVOT Process
Joining your life with a partner establishes a foundation and support structure that should empower you through life’s ups and downs. A breakdown of trust with your partner can be very destabilizing, shaking the foundation on which your shared life is built.
Fortunately, with the proper support, you can rebuild your lost trust. PIVOT specializes in relationship coaching for individuals, married couples, and families. Call us at 1-855-452-0707 to begin rebuilding broken trust in your marriage.