Can You Spend Too Much Time Together?

Reviewed by: Jennifer Plisko, LCSW

At the start of a relationship, you may find it hard to spend a day away from your partner. Unfortunately, the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship doesn’t last forever. As time goes by, you and your partner may not be as inseparable as you were initially, and that’s okay.

However, what if this scenario doesn’t happen at all? What if you or your partner keep on insisting on being inseparable? Whether you two have decided to move in together or see each other every day, it’s likely that one of you may start feeling stifled.

Luckily, most relationship problems and challenges have solutions. Keep on reading to find out what happens when you spend too much time with your partner and how you can maintain the spark even while living together.

Can Spending Too Much Time Together Ruin A Relationship?

While spending every waking hour in the company of your partner may seem like a dream come true, this is rarely a relationship model that works. To be truly fulfilled, people need independence and some time away from their significant other. Being in a monogamous relationship doesn’t mean you don’t also require a rich social life that includes more than one person.

If a couple focuses all their attention on each other, shutting out the outside world, this may create a codependent relationship. People in this type of relationship are at risk of clinging onto one another in an unhealthy way, which can cause multiple issues.

For example, the couple may grow apart from the other people in their lives, losing friendships and family ties. As their world gets smaller and smaller, they may experience problems with self-worth and decision making. One or both partners may feel uneasy acting independently and without the approval of their significant other.

Also, because they become each other’s only meaningful social interaction, one or both of them may cling onto the relationship at all costs. This may cause them to gloss over the other partner’s hurtful behavior and the dysfunctionality of the relationship. Codependency often enables people’s destructive patterns, like playing martyr or over-indulgent behavior.

However, different people have different relationship ideals, which may all be equally healthy. While some need more time on their own, others don’t feel overwhelmed by spending most of their time as a couple. If you feel confident and empowered both on your own and together, you’re probably on the right track. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine what works for your relationship and strike a balance that suits you.

How Do You Know If You’re Spending Too Much Time Together?

The most important question to ask yourself here is: “How do you feel when you’re apart?” If you feel insecure and like someone pulled the rug out from your feet, it may be a sign that you’re using your partner as a safety blanket. If you’re overcome with suspicion and jealousy when your partner is away, it may also signal a problem. Overall, healthy partners are independent individuals in their own right, who grow and learn from their relationship without losing a part of themselves to stay in it.

You can also consider how you feel when you’re together. Proximity often gives birth to boredom and routine, which can jeopardize the future of the relationship. There are several signs that you may be spending too much time together, such as:

You’re out of conversation topics.
You don’t text or talk on the phone.
You rarely go out or have fun together.
You don’t do anything new.
You have less sex.
You have arguments more frequently.

Does Spending Time Apart Help A Relationship?

Spending time apart can actually be beneficial for your relationship. It can reduce friction and invigorate the relationship. Here’s how:

It gives you something to talk about, as you’ll have interesting individual experiences to share.
It gives you a chance to miss each other, which can reignite the spark that you may have lost.
You stop taking each other for granted because spending time together becomes a rare and valuable commodity.
You maintain separate identities, which is an important part of how we view ourselves and how others see us.
You keep in touch with the world around you, maintaining other fulfilling relationships in your life.

How Do You Keep Your Relationship Alive When Living Together?

No matter if you’ve recently moved in together or you’ve been sharing a home for a while, you may feel you need more independence. Although you may share everything down to your finances, there are still ways to stay connected to yourself and keep your autonomy. Here are a few things to do:

Have enough me time: Take time out for yourself whether you’ll take a walk, have a spa day, or lounge in front of the TV. This helps you recalibrate, focus on your own well-being for a while, and see things more clearly.
Have hobbies you do separately: Although sharing with your partner is a lot of fun, it’s a good idea to have something all to yourself. This can be your thing, which boosts your confidence and becomes a big part of your independent identity.
Maintain friendships you had before and meet new people on your own: Many people’s friends become their partner’s friends, too. While this is perfectly normal, retain a degree of independence by socializing without your partner.

Can I Fix My Relationship In A Pleasant Retreat?

At PIVOT, people can learn more about themselves and find the right balance in their relationships. Our caring relationship advocates will guide you on your journey of self-understanding, providing compassionate support and sharing a wealth of information along the way.

Our individual workshops will teach you how to outgrow your early hurt and act in healthy ways while our couples workshops are a perfect opportunity to re-think your relationships and pave the way for more successful connections. Access the tools that you need to establish yourself as a Healthy Adult and start on a more beneficial path in life. Get in touch with us today!