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is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” –Brené Brown
Humans thrive on the connections they make with others throughout their lives. Positive connections build people up and carry them along. Some relationships, however, bring a different type of energy that breaks people down instead.
Unfortunately, some people have relationships stricken with power struggles, manipulation, and even abuse. Toxic relationship behaviors can be present in all interpersonal relationships, including romantic, parent-child, friendship, or workplace relationships.
If you are involved in a relationship that feels toxic, there is hope. With the compassionate support of an expert relationship coach, you can challenge toxic relationship behaviors head-on and replace them with actions that sustain and bolster you and your partner.
FAQs About Toxic Relationship Behaviors
Recognizing Toxic Relationship Behaviors
Recognizing toxic relationship behaviors is a crucial step toward healing your relationship. The realization that you may be in a toxic relationship may come to you slowly over time or suddenly hit you one day. Whether you are on the receiving end or are the one perpetrating these unhealthy actions, the awareness that they exist in your relationship can be a powerful tool for change.
Toxic Relationship Behaviors |
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|
Behavior |
Description |
How It Feels to the Recipient |
|
Blaming |
Refuses to take responsibility for their actions and shifts the blame to appear like the victim. |
Feels responsible for arguments and conflicts in the relationship. |
|
Controlling |
Uses threats, intimidation, and coercion to wield power in the relationship; may attempt to separate the other person from their family and friends. |
May find it difficult to act and make decisions independently; feels increasingly isolated from friends and family as they become more dependent. |
|
Criticizing |
Makes judgments and is hypercritical of a partner’s appearance, actions, decisions, etc. |
Feels inadequate, like they are never good enough or are somehow flawed. |
|
Gaslighting |
Uses lies and diversions to deny something happened or occurred as their partner remembers or perceives the event. |
Doubts their memories and questions their own experiences; made to feel like they are always overreacting or are overly sensitive. |
|
Manipulating |
Exploits vulnerabilities in an attempt to earn the partner’s trust and gain control. |
Gives in or does things they would prefer not to do just to keep the peace. |
|
Projection |
Attributes their negative traits or emotions to other people and projects their guilt onto their partner to avoid accepting responsibility for their behavior. |
May feel confused or disoriented to be accused of behavior they have observed from the offending partner; puts the recipient on the defensive and prevents effective conflict resolution. |
Overcoming Toxic Behaviors in Your Relationships
Being on the receiving end of toxic relationship behaviors can be destabilizing and damaging to your self-esteem. Over time, your relationship may deteriorate, and a power imbalance may occur. On the other hand, if you realize that you are the offender, you may doubt that change is possible.
While recognizing toxic relationship behaviors in your closest connections may fill you with dread, there is reason for optimism. Behavioral change may be hard – really hard – but it is possible. A relationship coach may be able to help you recognize and transform toxic relationships.
An experienced relationship coach can help you to:
- Recognize harmful or unhealthy behaviors that threaten your relationships
- Understand childhood traumas and attachment wounds
- Facilitate behavioral change that involves replacing toxic coping mechanisms with healthy and sustainable ways to interact in relationships
Whether you find yourself on the receiving end of painful behaviors or you are the one resorting to these toxic strategies, relationship coaching can help you to heal and provide you both with alternative ways to interact in your relationship. While the offending partner must learn to replace toxic behaviors, the targeted partner can learn to set healthy boundaries and repair a wounded self-image.
FAQs About Toxic Relationship Behaviors
1. What causes toxic relationship behaviors to develop?
The origins of these behaviors occur long before people are even aware. Infants are born completely dependent on their caregivers. If their parents and other caregivers meet their early needs promptly and consistently, babies learn to trust and develop secure attachments to the adults in their lives. If their needs are met inconsistently or incompletely, babies develop insecure attachments with their caregivers. This attachment style persists into adulthood and becomes a template for other relationships.
Toxic relationship behaviors evolve as a protective mechanism or a workaround strategy to meet the needs of people with insecure attachment styles. These survival patterns can be problematic and manipulative in adult relationships.
2. Can love exist in a toxic relationship?
Love can absolutely exist in a toxic relationship. Some partners just need some help regulating their emotions and communicating in a new way. Even loving relationships can have some toxic relationship patterns that could use reevaluation. A relationship coach can help partners identify and work through toxic behaviors to achieve a healthier, happier relationship.
3. Is it possible to heal a toxic relationship? Is a toxic relationship worth trying to fix?
It is possible to heal a toxic relationship. As long as both partners are willing to work to shift negative patterns, a healthier relationship is possible. However, it does take work, and only you and your partner can determine whether your relationship is worth fixing. Talk with your partner if you can and determine whether you are both on the same page regarding your desire to heal your relationship and your willingness to put in the work.
That being said, if you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable in a relationship, consider leaving. If your relationship is significantly impacting your mental or physical health, it might not be worth trying to fix.
4. How can I get help shifting a toxic relationship?
Contacting a professional relationship coach is the first step to understanding the emotional wounds that underlie toxic relationship behaviors. A relationship coach can help you to heal and find the strength inside yourself to overcome insecure attachment styles and facilitate lasting behavioral change. An experienced coach can also point you in the right direction if you need a higher level of care.
After spending dedicated time engaged in relationship coaching, you will better understand yourself and your underlying behavior patterns. If your attachment style is holding you back from having healthy, fulfilling relationships, intensive relational coaching can speed the healing process by providing tools for self-discovery and strengthening your valued connections.
Transform Your Relationships With PIVOT
If you find yourself devastated by the effects of toxic relationship behaviors, do not despair. If you recognize yourself as a perpetrator of these damaging behaviors, have hope. With the right help, you can redeem and repair your relationship and see positive change.
The experienced relationship coaches at PIVOT offer hope through evidence-based coaching or intensive relationship retreats for individuals, couples, and families dealing with toxic behaviors in their relationships. Reach out to us at 1-855-452-0707 to begin healing today.